Today was the day I marked on my calendar that I was going to share my truth as a child abuse survivor, the lessons I learned from that trauma, and teach others the techniques I self-taught myself through the resources I gathered together. I’ve become aware that I am not the only woman who has endured traumatic abuse as a child, and I know with confidence, I am supposed to lead these woman to inner-peace, clarity, and permission to live out their divine life.
I popped in as usual to my neighbors’ house for adult conversation while the kids play, I don’t watch the news so I sit and watch for a short while and catch up to the madness of the world. Today on the news I witnessed a part of my life being reported “13 siblings held captive and shackled in the home”, (click here to see the story) I am watching the fairytale photos, hearing what has been done to the children, and how they’ve been held hostage in their own home.
During this time, I am going through an array of emotions, questions, sympathy, and grief, not just for the kids, but for everyone, because I know this story all too well. And so this is how it begins, sharing my story, and my healing, not only for all the women who are survivors of child abuse but for the Turpin siblings affected by this trauma.
My father was a convicted felon on the run for murder. My mother nieve and co-dependent, together they created a nightmare for myself and for my 7 siblings. I endured 15 years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, I’ve been drowned in tubs and pools with my mother watching. I’ve been sleep deprived, burned, beaten with rods, brooms, hammers, and golf clubs. I’ve been tied up and tied to objects, somehow power cords still haunt me.
Verbally it was always my fault, a bitch, a liar, I will amount to nothing, and I’ll lay on my back push babies out, work at McDonalds, that was the destiny ingrained for me.
Emotionally I was never supported or guided, I was stripped of love and filled with anger, hate, and yelling.
Mentally, I was locked in a room for 15 years only to be let out to clean, to take care of my siblings, and served as a human punching bag. During the slow agony of time filled with so much fear and pain, I would ask myself why I was being treated this way, knowing for a fact as a child life is not supposed to be like this, and my answers would come by the recordings that would involuntarily play in my head and confirmed by a surprise ass beating.
I was not allowed to speak or else there would be consequences, therefore created a fear-based story in my life where I was afraid to talk and when I would try to defend myself, I would stutter making me guilty of what I was accused of.
I was not allowed to play with other kids, or talk to anyone, or have friends.
We were poor and there were times where two meals a day were justified, but there were days where I felt like I was forgotten or get one meal a day.
I was never allowed to be a child, a teenager, therefore I never knew who I was, so I was never “me”.
No one knew about the abuse because just like the Turpins story, on the outside everything was perfect. The perfect couple, who ran the perfect business, who had the perfect well-behaved kids, nice house and cars, but the inside, we were prisoners in our own home.
This is not a finger pointing game, as I believe both adults who chose to keep me alive are both held liable and responsible for the abuse and trauma that was dished out.
With this type of upbringing you can just imagine the life I lived with this mindset, the sex, the drugs, abuse respawning from high school principles and roommates. It was hard, but my life had to be dark and hard to see the light and the lessons I needed to achieve inner peace. And that is why I am writing a book, starting with this blog, to share my truth, not from a place of hurt, spite, or as a traumatic victim. I speak from a place where I am healing every day, I speak as a person who has triumphed a debilitating past, I want to teach and inspire woman to move from a place of “I can’t do this because of my trauma” to a divine, loving, forgiving, REAL place of “because of my trauma, I can and I will”.
So I invite you to come learn, to hear, or to read how you can transform your trauma into triumph. Next week, we are going to idenify your story, and how it is holding you back.